The Committee for an Unnecessary Bench

The council voted to remove the bench outside the town hall because nobody used it. According to the survey, its occupancy was zero at nine in the morning, zero at noon, and zero at five. Councillor Bell suggested that the bench should be thanked for its service and sold.

Mina, who ran the corner café, asked when the survey had been taken. Monday, the clerk said. It had rained on Monday. Councillor Bell replied that public furniture could not expect special consideration for weather.

A committee was formed to decide what should replace the bench. The gardening society proposed a planter. The historical society proposed a plaque commemorating the bench. The transport office proposed a bicycle rack, provided it did not encourage bicycles on the pavement.

The committee met on Thursdays in a room with twelve chairs and a table designed for eight. At the third meeting, Mina stepped outside to get some air. The town hall porter joined her on the bench. He had been asked to attend in case there were questions about bolts.

At the fourth meeting, the gardener came out as well. She had brought photographs of planters, but nobody had asked to see them. The transport officer followed because he could hear the arguments through the wall anyway.

By the sixth meeting, all but Councillor Bell and the clerk were outside. Mina passed around coffee in borrowed mugs. The gardener admitted that she liked the bench. The transport officer admitted he did too. The porter said its bolts were perfectly sound.

Inside, Councillor Bell proposed a second occupancy survey. The clerk, who had begun to suspect a flaw in the first one, counted eight people through the window.

“Exceptional circumstances,” Bell said. “They are attending a meeting.”

The following Thursday, the committee was officially dissolved. At the usual hour, its former members arrived at the bench with sandwiches. Bell watched them from his office. For a while he sorted papers. Then he came down carrying a thick file marked PUBLIC SEATING.

“There is no room,” the transport officer said, moving his bag.

The porter went to the maintenance shed and brought out a folding chair. Bell sat at one end of the group. He explained that the council would retain the bench temporarily while a wider review took place.

Mina handed him a mug. “How long will that take?”

Bell opened his file, considered the sunlight, and closed it again. “We shouldn't rush these things.”

The clerk recorded an occupancy of nine. In the column for recommendations she wrote: Consider a second bench.